After SPM...stubborness

it's over, after 2 years of hardwork and ups and downs...
seriously, i studied hard and stupidly during the 1st year, then i got smarter during the 2nd year~XD
it's 12.58am now...the reason why i'm able to stay awake this late(or early?) is the aftermath of exams...
even after Spm, im still living my before-Spm life? waking up early, stay awake for as long as i can...
im still feeling stressed...becuz of addmaths n biology=.=
everytime we went for enquiries for unis n colleges, i would recite my trial results again n again without feeling...
then they would always suggest that i apply for scholarships, thats when my hands would start trembling...
i'll be honest with myself, and i simply wouldn't settle for what im certain i can get.
scared of being not able live up to the expectations of others, but ultimately i realise im juz cheating myself,
it's only my expectations i gotta live up to...
ppl do say that life is about living for yourself, but cruelly i just realized my lived my whole 17 years living for others
over-sensitive, always worrying and imagining what do ppl think of me and what kind of light do they view me in...it's exhausting and who the hell am i to think all these? im just a normal teen.
mum gave me an article to read...and all of the sentences are aiming directly at me~lolz, i really curse myself for not understanding it sooner and wasting so much effort that i cant turn back now.
because by turning back now i'll be denying everything i have been building up so far and wasting all the front, (the expression, the reactions) i've been putting up till now...
Having high expectations means improvement, but it also signifies a lot of disappointment.
and by having a carefree attitude means a easier life, but not necessarily a satisfactory outcome to a certain extent, just enough for you to go by.
How would i live? laughing at the irony of these words..