After SPM...stubborness

it's over, after 2 years of hardwork and ups and downs...
seriously, i studied hard and stupidly during the 1st year, then i got smarter during the 2nd year~XD
it's 12.58am now...the reason why i'm able to stay awake this late(or early?) is the aftermath of exams...
even after Spm, im still living my before-Spm life? waking up early, stay awake for as long as i can...
im still feeling stressed...becuz of addmaths n biology=.=
everytime we went for enquiries for unis n colleges, i would recite my trial results again n again without feeling...
then they would always suggest that i apply for scholarships, thats when my hands would start trembling...
i'll be honest with myself, and i simply wouldn't settle for what im certain i can get.
scared of being not able live up to the expectations of others, but ultimately i realise im juz cheating myself,
it's only my expectations i gotta live up to...
ppl do say that life is about living for yourself, but cruelly i just realized my lived my whole 17 years living for others
over-sensitive, always worrying and imagining what do ppl think of me and what kind of light do they view me in...it's exhausting and who the hell am i to think all these? im just a normal teen.
mum gave me an article to read...and all of the sentences are aiming directly at me~lolz, i really curse myself for not understanding it sooner and wasting so much effort that i cant turn back now.
because by turning back now i'll be denying everything i have been building up so far and wasting all the front, (the expression, the reactions) i've been putting up till now...
Having high expectations means improvement, but it also signifies a lot of disappointment.
and by having a carefree attitude means a easier life, but not necessarily a satisfactory outcome to a certain extent, just enough for you to go by.
How would i live? laughing at the irony of these words..

Somestimes being sensitive really kills...
juz becoz u notice the little details ppl don't and you think about it all day
those words, even tiny things like numbers..
cant seem to grasp if they really intended to isolate you out or they did it unintentionally
and you cant ask them directly but it drives you insane
have more care with words, you never know they might hurt others...

新年假期过完了,要开学了,心里总有一种酸溜溜,心痛的感觉...==
我的假期啊~~~

又要回到星期一挨到两点二十分,星期二到一点四十五分,星期三到一点十分的苦刑...

读了这么多年..我一点也不喜欢这间学校...它给不了我一个学校应该有的亲切感==
同样的,我的生活,也给不了我应有的满足感..

对不起啊blog,借我发泄一下...

Im over exaggerating...i wont do the same mistake again..
sorry myself...

really feel like saying a 4-letter word rite now!!!
Damn! I've been sitting in front of the worksheets for hours and all i could do was finish 1 set....1SET!
I don't believe it! My memory is getting that bad!? And shit I just can'T focus on the papers...Im getting that bad...!?
really can'T figure out what's wrong......
I'm just wasting my time sitting there and wasting electricity.
SHIT!SHIT!SHIT!
SHIT!!
Why does these kinds of things onli happen to me!?
ARGH~~!!
SHAVE ME!